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Sorry, but porn is fake

Submitted by Danielle, the Sex(Pot) Therapist

Check her out on Instagram at @thesexpottherapist


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And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with enjoying the kinkiest, roughest, or even the most amateur porn out there, but you should know that none of it ever really depicts sex in real life. There’s a reason why you never see any scenes about consent in your favorite videos.

Porn has been making our nights interesting since the prehistoric era, and traces of it date back as far as 5200 BCE. Even in its earliest forms, porn has always been a source of fantasy and instant sexual gratification for its consumers. We love porn because it excites our deepest carnal desires and brings them to life. But it’s a little dangerous to let porn be the only influence on your idea of real sex.


One problem with taking porn at face value is that most of it assumes that pleasure is a man’s game. No matter the category, most scenes are always working up to the “money shot,” or when the guy cums. When he does cum, it’s almost always somewhere on the girl (or girls or guy or guys), such as the face, chest or tongue. This also perpetuates the idea that orgasm is the main goal of sex, which is not always true. Very few scenes glorify cuddling, heavy making out or other forms of sex. On top of that, whenever the couple or group changes positions or tries something new, it’s almost always so that the guy can get a better angle or a deeper thrust or some other way to enhance his experience.


Don’t get me wrong, we can’t forget about lesbian porn or hetero porn that features cunnilingus. However, it’s safe to say that a large amount of lesbian porn is built off of a male fantasy and set up to satisfy that audience in particular. And when we do see a guy going down on a girl in porn, it’s nowhere near as detailed or drawn out as when the girl is giving a bj.

Another issue that porn brings about is the idea that rough, violent sex is the norm and that it’s actually what women want. And that just isn’t true...all the time. Yes, many women want to be “thrown around, spanked and choked,” but not for every sexual encounter. Do all men want to be pegged every single time? Oh, ok then…


Furthermore, the rough sex porn trope has a hand in perpetuating violence against women, rape culture, and that pesky heteronormativity that we all want to dismantle. Again, not all women want it rough all the time, but all women do reserve the right to dictate when they want it that way and when they don’t. Porn never shows women refusing that level of sexual intensity or even a discussion surrounding it pre-romp. Some porn does, however, emphasize how the guy should just keep going despite even the slightest resistance from the woman.


Porn can be amazing and so much fun for you to enjoy by yourself, or even with a partner. But what you learn from it should be taken with a grain of salt. In fact, what you learn about sex preferably wouldn’t come from porn at all. If you have any questions about sex, I encourage you to ask an older adult you trust, browse the articles on this site, reach out to a counselor or sex ed teacher or even google it! Ask your questions and get honest answers so that you can use porn for what it was meant for: pleasurable entertainment, NOT education!

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